In Florida, there are resort spas, destination spas and day spas; private island spas, spas perched like sand castles on white powdery beaches, and spas hidden behind the ancient walls of magnificent centuries-old mansions.

But when I find myself free to engage in unadulterated self-centeredness, there's only one place to go: the most exquisite spa ever placed on the face of this earth.

Etched in my heart forever is a memory of the Mandarin Oriental Spa in Bangkok, Thailand, where therapists trained by the angels themselves transformed me, body and soul, into a silken mass of translucent cellophane noodles. As luck has it, the Mandarin Oriental has a signature spa right here in Florida, in a glamorous Asian-style five star hotel overlooking Miami's Biscayne Bay.

And as luck further has it, a handsome gentleman – a spa virgin at that – has dropped in for a visit. So we go.

The gentleman – I'll call him Bob – is a bit on the smirky side about the whole spa thing.

"I've had a couple of massages," he says. "Frankly, I can't see the big deal. I remember some woman getting peevish because I got on the table with my boxers on, and I was determined to keep them on. Besides, a whole hour on a massage table is incredibly boring."
I wish I'd seen his expression as his therapist, Sonia, ushered his robed figure from the glass elevator into his private split level suite, drenched in silk hangings, orchids, candles and bowls of flower petals, spices and incense.

With all due respect, Bob, your life is about to change forever.

I wish I'd seen his expression as his therapist, Sonia, ushered his robed figure from the glass elevator into his private split level suite, drenched in silk hangings, orchids, candles and bowls of flower petals, spices and incense. I'd love to have seen him take in the view from the window wall overlooking Biscayne Bay, his personal marble and glass shower and sunken marble tub. But I'm off to my own suite, to experience the Oriental's signature ritual of Welcome, Purification, Nurture, Balance and Bliss.

Three hours later we meet at the alfresco bar. Someone (we'll call her SHE) has wiped that smug attitude right off his face. A conversation, of sorts, eventually ensues.

"She put my feet into a bowl of hot rocks," he marvels, "and let me pick out my scents." {Let me? Like you were just dying to pick out scents?} "She used the oils in a slow foot massage – to revitalize the immune system, you know." {Ah, already a spa expert.} "First there was a scrub – some sort of gritty stuff, then a shower, and then an all-over body massage with deep tissue pressure. She gave special attention to my forearms and lower back, which bother me sometimes. I may have said 'Yow!' a couple of times, but it was good. She sat me up and stretched my body into shapes I never knew it could bend. By this time I realized that whatever she said she was going to do next, I would have said 'Hey, just do it.'

"At some point she began to drip this warm liquid on my forehead. I expected it to run down into my eyes, but it just seemed to bubble on my forehead, like she had the power to make it do whatever she wanted. I remember looking up and seeing a palm tree...sparkling water... it was the sun dancing on the water. I was definitely in some kind of trance.

"Then she was putting warm stuff on my face, patting it with her hands...or it could have been an oven mitt for all I knew. Opening my eyes once, I saw light through two cucumber slices. That's all I remember, except when it was over, I had no desire to leave that room."

Bob's still talking about his spa experience as we drive back across the Everglades.

"The Mandarin Oriental Spa is the standard by which all my future spa treatments {Future spa treatments, Bob?} will be measured. They take you by the hand and say 'follow us - we'll take care of you.'" {Told you so.}

Bob's otherworldly experience was called the Ayurvedic Holistic Body Treatment. Other Mandarin Oriental signature treatments include Jet Lag Reviver Aromatherapy and Thai Massage. Spa-goers are also allowed to book "time" rather than a specific treatment.

For more information, contact Mandarin Oriental, Miami at 305-913-8288 or visit www.mandarinoriental.com.